004. Networking advice for people who hate networking (but need a job)

A timely discussion for this wild job market – advice that many people need to hear.

I’ve been writing about job search advice for a long time – all the way back to college, when I ran a career advice column for the campus newspaper. The world of “job search advice” is fairly noisy, especially the “How to break into tech” industrial complex. So, today’s topic is advice that I haven’t seen it written down anywhere, that I wish someone told *me* earlier. 

Spoiler: As an experienced professional, your job search should be focused on leveraging your network, instead of spamming job applications, the way you probably learned to do in your early career.

The current job market is pretty rough for candidates – I keep seeing Linkedin posts along the lines of, “I’ve applied to 200+ jobs, I feel so discouraged.” While every individual is different, this volume-based approach is not likely to be the most effective. Instead, there’s an opportunity for a strategic mindset shift to get you to better goals faster. Let’s get into it. 

“Networking? Nooooo I hate networking 😧”

First, I totally get it. It’s not something most are explicitly taught, and for many, “networking” brings up images of going to meetups and making awkward small talk. It can certainly be that. Unless you’re just starting out, random events are not the most effective use of your time – especially when it’s estimated that 40-60% of jobs never even consider applicants from job boards, and those jobs are instead filled by networks and referrals.

Networking is like an iceberg: Events and conferences are the tiny tip. Most of the ice is below the surface, in the DMs, Zooms, and lunches, not publicly visible. That’s where secrets of effective, network-based job searching live.

This might sound intimidating, as if there’s a realm of “networkers” of Stanford/Ivy League alums with a vast array of connections, each of whom somehow has an uncle in the high ranks of an investment bank or private equity firm. But don’t worry, I’m a public university grad 🙋🏻‍♀️ – and the real “network-based job search” doesn’t require a privileged background, it’s something pretty much anyone can do: 

1. Look inwards. Reflect on your career and what you bring to the table

2. Make a list of past colleagues, and

3. Reach out and make it easy for them to help you.

It comes down to this: Instead of focusing on strangers, go talk to people you know! It sounds obvious, but surprisingly few people actually take this approach.

There are a seemingly infinite number of job boards. But there’s only one of you, and as cheesy as it sounds, your uniqueness is your competitive advantage. So an effective job search should start there.

Step 1: Look inwards. Reflect on your career and what you bring to the table

Before jumping to busywork and applying to random jobs, the key is to first, reflect honestly on your career, and think about your value as a professional, in business terms. Take yourself out on a nice cafe date and journal out the answers to the following:

• What was the business value / impact of your last position? Why did they pay you?

• How did you stand out from your peers?

• Over your career, what positive feedback have you heard repeatedly?

• What are you most proud of? Be very specific.

• Complete the sentence: My next company will be lucky to have me join because…  

Look deeply for answers, then start looking for patterns. These are clues to unlocking a successful network-based job search. (Even if you only did this step, applying to jobs will be much more effective, having filtered down to jobs you'd be the strongest candidate for.) 

Example: Emily is an engineer who’s been at a startup for 2 years, focused on the product search results page. Her biggest wins were in improving data indexing and user queries parsing. Her team sees her as a thoughtful coder who also understands user behavior and could translate it for others. 

Turning this into a selling point for potential employers: Emily is a deeply technical infrastructure engineer, who can easily flip to thinking about people in a product mindset – a rare combo! (And an opportunity to think about what kind of companies would *most* value this, e.g. early-stage startups.) 

Step 2: Make a list of past colleagues

Now that you’ve successfully looked inward, I give you permission to look outward, finally  😌 

This is also a pretty simple step! Your goal is to come up with a list of people you had a positive working experience with. You don’t need to have worked super closely with them, or have been Work BFFs – more casual connections will work just as well. Do a first pass by recall first, then open up good ol’ Linkedin to jog your memory of colleagues and acquaintances from further back. 

Example: For Emily, immediately coming to mind are the 3 engineers on her team who have since left the startup, and the Product Manager too. And thinking more broadly, she realizes the list gets longer – the CSM she worked on a gnarly support case with, a couple of the sales reps who she became friendly with after she helped close a deal by adding some custom features, and oh, there was that classmate she did that graphics project with back in college… the list goes on.

(Note: This stage is not about listing as many names as possible – You can start with 3 people!)

Step 3: Reach out and make it easy for them to help you.

Got your career reflections? Got your list? Both are now part of your career capital toolbox, and it’s time to start talking to people! 

This can be the most intimidating step – you might be tempted to turn right back and try your luck at “spray and pray” again – but focus on starting small. Try and see what happens with the first batch of messages. You might be surprised by the others’ eagerness to help, or opportunities that you wouldn’t have ever heard about otherwise. 

The key is to not be too forward too early (“Hey I just got laid off, can you hire me?”), instead, focus on authentic connections – the part of the iceberg that’s below the surface.

Some things you can ask for:

• A catch up over Zoom/coffee/lunch! (Save this one for those you’d actually be glad if they say yes!) 

• For a referral at their current company

• Introductions to others who might know of opportunities

• Resources (communities or upcoming learning opportunities to check out)

• Job search advice! 

Example: Hi Meredith,

Long time no see, I hope you’ve been well! I’ve been doing some career reflections and remembered how much I enjoyed working on the __ project with you. I’d love to catch up and hear what you’re working on these days. I saw you’re at 13 Management, and I’m really curious to hear what you think of it. –Best, Emily

Then go into those meetings genuinely wanting to connect, ask for help and advice, and learn from them. Being overly pushy is likely to turn people off, making it harder for them to help. Bringing an open curious mindset broadens your possibilities. Even if their company isn’t a good fit, they might know of a different opportunity that is.

Why this works

“Networking,” despite its stereotype, isn’t supposed to be skeezy. It’s actually about authentic relationships.

Whether we like it or not, relationships drive our world. If a job opening gets 100 applicants, you would think that the person getting hired was the most qualified one. In reality, they’re more likely to be a connection of an existing employee. This is how the world works. 

We can’t change that overnight, but you can start to leverage it yourself, once you have a couple of years of professional experience and a few friendly coworkers. Everywhere you go, you’re building career capital that you can leverage in future job searches. And if you take a long-term network-based view on your career, that career capital can be far more valuable than the tangibles of a job like perks or working for a fancy brand name company. 

If this method is so effective, why is “spray and pray” so common?

Now that we understand how to run a job search using your network, it’s worth unpacking *why*  most of us spend so much time on strangers and spamming random companies. 

While there are plenty of macro explanations for the challenges of today’s job seeker – e.g. layoffs, competition, companies being risk-averse about hiring,  etc.. But we also need to look at the individual experience, where we will find emotional roots of the problem.

Having to admit “I need a job” can bring up an intense sense of fear and shame in us. If we stop and think about it, this doesn’t actually make sense – being jobless should mean just that, that you are not currently employed. However, joblessness is stigmatized, due to a combination of hustle culture and our society’s values around “meritocracy” – the idea that people at the bottom deserve to be there, usually due to laziness or lack of ability. This is a misguided idea, but it’s become deeply woven into our beliefs and behaviors. 

For most of us, the fact is that our livelihoods are tied to jobs: we need to be paid to survive and maintain our lifestyles. The relationship between employees and employers is supposed to be a healthily balanced, interdependent exchange of values. But too often in reality, we’re in a codependent relationship with jobs, with the dependence of each side on the other (and the ensuing vulnerability) going largely unacknowledged. 

All of this means it is nearly impossible for you to NOT be emotionally affected by a job search, especially if you didn’t choose the timing, with the decision being made for you by your last company.

When unexpectedly thrown out to the job market, with a host of unnamed and unprocessed feelings like shame, fear, panic, confusion, etc. – I see a lot of folks being quick to apply a volume-based approach. Shame, especially, creates a sense of urgency and need for quick hits. 

The “Spray and pray” approach allows you to stay busy, avoiding processing all these feelings, and you get to have a concrete result of your efforts (“I applied to 10 jobs today!”). You get to feel relief from the facade of progress. Don’t get me wrong, feeling a sense of accomplishment is very important – but this strategy is also likely to lead to burnout. 

Instead of flailing around and focusing on volume, you always have the option to pause, gather your resources, and pivot to a much more effective strategy: Networking. The discomfort and vulnerability is worth working through. You’ll not only get better results in terms of where you land next, but you get to also stretch and broaden ways you can be in collaboration with other great people. Isn’t that some of the best parts of working?

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Jennifer Kim is the CEO/Founder of Workflow, an education and consulting company that trains the next generation of startup leaders on all things Recruiting, People Ops, and DEI. Through its flagship program, the HireEd Accelerator, Jen and her team have taught hundreds of startup leaders to make hiring a competitive advantage. Previously, Jen was Head of People at Lever and was an Advisor to dozens of top startups. She is also a Venture Partner at Symphonic Capital, and is known for her hot takes on tech industry and culture as @jenistyping.